


dont let them (i wont let you) know

by trees_so_thin



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Friends With Benefits, also why does gary autofill he must be popular, i do not know how to tag things ever
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-14
Updated: 2020-07-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 21:22:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25263040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trees_so_thin/pseuds/trees_so_thin
Summary: fitzroy: gary delete your hard drive please please please hello youre nothing
Relationships: Argo Keene/Sir Fitzroy Maplecourt
Comments: 4
Kudos: 43





	dont let them (i wont let you) know

**Author's Note:**

> the ever popular (to me) maplekeene fwb but argo is Going Thru It realm is back. i cant write them being nice to each other its not happening. ALSO KIND OF SPOILER FOR EP 18 IN THIS SORRY

Fitzroy was on a mission.  
He wasn't sure why exactly he hadn't thought of this fatal flaw in his plans from the beginning. Maybe due to the fact that the “plan” wasn't his in the first place and he merely went along with it, not giving it much introspection. Which begs the question, why did he agree to start with? Usually he would consider all the options first, wouldn't he?  
Okay, that wasn't true. He knew he was fatally impulsive. But he had thought that he had gotten better at weighing his options.  
He was forced into it. That was his excuse. It didn't exactly come out with a bad result, but they had been compromised from the start, apparently.  
This was Argo’s fault.  
Yeah. Argo was to blame.  
Imagine if the stupid rogue ever thought before he acted. Wasn't he learning to look before he sneaked? He should have his tuition refunded if his classes were going that badly.  
Anyway. Time to turn his mind away from that (the small, ever working factory in the back of his mind that was always overthinking things: why do your thoughts always end up moving towards him? You never stop). It was imperative that he rectify this situation immediately, even if it meant having to find every single goddamn Gary in the whole school and break them.  
He was going to start with the one in his room.  
Smashing it? Or simply pleading? Time will tell.  
Fitzroy confidently strode into the dorm room, forcefully closing the door behind him (but still controlling it so it didn't slam). Why was he making a show of power towards a statue? He wasn't sure. He just knew he was angry. Or maybe scared.  
“Gary!” he called into the relative darkness of the main room. “Gary, come here!”  
He got no response or sign of movement, and frustratedly stomped around the room trying to find the shelf on which their Gary sat. “Gary, I know you’re listening, come here and fucking talk to me, I need to speak to you.”  
Two tiny red pinpricks of eyes suddenly glinted out of the dusk, straight in front of Fitzroy, and he heard the rustle of stone as Gary shook himself awake. “Now, y’know I can’t exactly move from this spot to come to ya, yeah?” he harped at Fitzroy with a frown. “Also, I’m making an exception for ya, but you know my trigger phrase. Also can you turn a light on?” Gary mimed taking a drag from a cigarette. “You kids, I swear to god….”  
“Gary, this is _important._ ” Fitzroy ignored every one of the Gary’s requests and instead walked to stare eye-to-eye with the surveillance gargoyle, something a lot easier to do now that he was on par height wise with it. Also, he was embarrassed to admit it, but he still wasn't sure where the lightswitches were in here.  
He usually got the Firbolg to turn on the lights.  
Back to the matter at hand.  
“Gary, can you do some sort of…..hivemind-wide system wipe?”  
“Uh, buddy, do you know what you’re saying there?”  
“Yes, I know what I’m saying! Can you do it or not?”  
Gary pretended to mull it over for a second, before turning back to Fitzroy (who was now sparking with anger, lighting up the room with small pops of lightning) and squaring its shoulders. “Of course I can fucking do it, but you dont have the authority to get me to do that, Fitzroy. Who do you think you are?” Gary’s usual jovial accent had dropped,and it now sounded cold and stony, befitting his physical form, perhaps. This was its serious voice. Fitzroy had no idea what he had stepped into.  
“I--”  
“Only the holders of the contract or the H.O.G. can order us to tamper with files, and last time I checked, your name wasn't Hieronymous Wiggenstaff, Fitzroy.”  
Well, Hieronymous Wiggenstaff’s name isn't even Hieronymous Wiggenstaff, Fitzroy wanted to retort, but bit the remark back for fear of somehow being rebuked for letting the fact out.  
“Ga-- please? It’s just one tiny thing, just five minutes-- okay, multiple instances, of around five minutes, from over the last few m-- ju-- GARY, PLEASE!”  
“No can do, buddy. Tampering with stored memory is a criminal offense. You could get punished.”  
I’m being punished _now,_ Fitzroy thought morosely. “Well, fine. Do the things you … observe ever get reported to anybody other than the rest of the Garys? Like can someone, just, hypothetically, give you a date and time and location and get you to replay something for them?”  
“What, you worried about dirt on you getting out?” Gary chuckled, watching closely as Fitzroy flinched. “You wanna know if we report back to ol’ Hiero? Giving Higgs the low down on nefarious activities?”  
“Well, potentially,” Fitzroy said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m more worried about some of the student body, perhaps the uh, student magazine, getting their hands on some, uh, embarrassing moments of mine. I can’t let my public image be tarnished by those kinds of, well, views on me.”  
The tension in the air stretched for a moment as Gary fell silent in apparent contemplation, and Fitzroy stood with his hands clenched against his sides, trying to bring his rage down. Eventually, the Gary cleared its throat and stirred back into life, which startled Fitzroy back into his electricity-producing state.  
“Well, hypothetically,” Gary paused, deliberately stringing Fitzroy along for the fun of it, “we could relay an event to someone if they asked nicely enough, or if we found it entertaining. We can’t provide video playback though, if that’s what you were wondering. We’re not into THAT much of a breach of privacy.”  
Your whole existence is a breach of privacy, Fitzroy thought.  
“Okay… and you’d be 100% truthful all the time to that person if they asked or... whatever you just said? I wasn’t really listening.”  
Gary cocked his head. “Well, wouldn't you like to know.” It flashed a grey, toothy grin at Fitzroy and gave him one last phrase before he settled back into his passive, frozen state.  
“Fine. Kiss me again and prove you don’t like me.”  
It spoke it in Fitzroy’s voice. 

Fitzroy didn’t like that very much at all.

2\. wind back the clock a bit.

Argo was all too happy to oblige, although that was possibly betraying the second half of Fitzroy’s request.  
He wasn't going to lie to himself anymore about his infatuation, and while he could potentially pass it off (to Fitzroy) as just an effect of the ongoing situation, he knew, far down at the bottom of his heart, that it was likely a genuine crush. He wasn’t sure how long this had been the case, but he had to assume that it had lain dormant there for a while, because who just comes out randomly one night to ask their roommate if they want to make out for fun if they don't have SOME kind of crush?  
Maybe that was invalidating to people who did do that. He wasn't sure.  
Anyway, there was no reason for him to worry about it. He knew Fitzroy had no interest in him (as crushing as that may feel when he thought about it for more than a few seconds) except as a…..fuck buddy and a sidekick (and hopefully a friend, but he wasn't going to go that far just yet) but the half elf hadn’t excommunicated Argo yet and still let him kiss him.  
Actually, sometimes Fitzroy seemed more enthusiastic about it than he would apparently admit to Argo.  
Argo wasn’t complaining. He could just push his strongly encroaching feelings to the back of his heart and not address them. That was healthy. Definitely.  
They did make the ache in his chest go wild when he leant down towards Fitzroy again. They always did. The throb of emotion felt like the slow pulse of an oil lamp being turned off and on again. They even continued down into his stomach. “Butterflies “ was a misnomer. It felt like someone had put a pot of water on to boil in there. Even his limbs felt tense from trying to hold the feelings in.  
Argo could have sworn that he was taking physical damage just from his own anxiety and attraction, and he had only been looking at Fitzroy for a few moments since he had been invited to kiss him again. Well, it was presumably a few moments. It felt like years.  
He tried to clear his mind and go into the blank-headed state he had to enter when trying to pull off a sneak attack. He wasn’t going to be able to achieve anything like this.  
Touching the bottom of Fitzroy’s chin with his fingertips to tilt his face up towards him and feeling the rough prickle of his stubble almost broke Argo. He held onto his mental focus, though, long enough to let himself kiss Fitzroy hard on the mouth (he wasn’t going to let himself be gentle. That would give it away). He felt Fitzroy’s demeanour deflate a little, as the other man leaned into him and kissed him back, reaching one hand up to grasp the back of Argo’s neck.  
Don’t think too hard about it, Argo chanted in his head. Don’t think about it at all.  
That was getting pretty hard with each kiss Fitzroy (now apparently taking the lead) gave Argo, every subsequent one getting slower and softer until Argo felt like he was a man made of barely-set jelly, held together by the flimsiest surface tension imaginable.  
“I said prove you don’t like me,” Fitzroy breathed, almost inaudible. Argo cracked an eye open to see the heat rising in Fitzroy’s cheeks. He felt oddly proud of himself.  
“Well, I don't think _you’ve_ necessarily done a very good job of that yerself, have ya?” he struggled to say as he tried to compose himself.  
“I think I’m capable enough to know how to kiss without catching feelings,” Fitzroy said before pulling Argo back in. Argo wasn’t sure what to make of that, but the doubt left his mind almost immediately.  
It was fine. This was all he wanted. It would be both impossible and dangerous to get romantically involved. Fitzroy would never agree anyway. Argo wasn’t even sure he wanted that. Maybe he just wanted to admire Fitzroy from afar and let his crush just enhance his friends with benefits experience. Who knows. He sure didn’t.  
They had been there in that awkward embrace for so long that Argo had forgotten exactly where they were.  
So had Fitzroy.  
Perhaps an empty classroom with a Gary in it wasn’t the greatest idea.


End file.
